A Paradox

I find it interesting that the cooler she is toward me the more I need Miss Emily's approval. No matter how she gives me I always seem to need and crave more.

This week is a good example. After getting a lot of her attention and even a dozen roses she has turned very cool to me. I am a servant and this all. Somehow this makes me ache for her to notice me.

I know that things will change and I will be a wife or a slut or a cuckold or whatever else she commands and then she will desire something else.

In the meantime I am a maid serving the woman she adores.

Life is very strange I think.

<curtsy>

How Does She Do That?

Yesterday was a quieter day after the weekend. I did receive a nice surprise late in the afternoon when a dozen pink and yellow roses were delivered. They were from Miss Emily, with a lovely note. I was blushing and grinning.

But I also was exhausted from the weekend. Miss Emily was getting home late so I went to bed early. I slept almost 10 hours. In fact, I almost overslept. I can imagine how annoyed she would have been if that had happened.

Maybe it didn't matter. This morning she was back to being very cool toward me. I was a servant, not so much a wife. I was still floating along and somehow she was able to flip some switch and be that way.

I often wonder how she does that. My only mode seems to be to please her, or at least try. I never am quite sure how she will treat me. I think it keeps me off balance.

This morning she noticed a drop of coffee on the kitchen counter. She was not pleased as she called the kitchen "filthy." She doesn't angry or yell. But the tone of her voice lets me know I have displeased her. I don't think there's any worse feeling.

So I scrubbed the kitchen, even cleaning the refrigerator and the stove. I hope she notices but I somehow doubt she will. While it always feels better when she does notice, I know it doesn't really matter.

<curtsy>

Nagging Questions?

One of my readers offered his (or is it hers? hard to day since the comment was anonymous) thoughts about my relationship with Miss Emily.

I admit I was shocked. Maybe I have not been clear enough about I fell about her. I adore her.  love her. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. Serving her needs comes naturally.

Despite that I do question myself. I always have. I don't know if that will ever change. Add to that the fact that I am coming to terms with the fact that I am better off as a wife and servant and I just can't help feeling what I am doing is against the way I was brought up.

For most of my life I imagined having a wife and a job and a family. But from the first time I met Miss Emily I wanted something else. She understood me better than I understood myself. It was so easy to be with her and to let her lead.

We have talked many times about our relationship. My place is clear as is hers. I tell her when I am upset or concerned or confused. I know she loves me by the way she cares for my feelings. That doesn't mean she does what I want her to do but she is aware of my safety and emotional well-being.

Having read about female-led relationships on the internet, I know what I have found is rare and beautiful. But I also know that is a long process for a sissy like me to accept the truth about herself.

I adore Miss Emily for showing me the way.

<curtsy>

More Cuckolding Thoughts

Last night was both difficult and exciting. As I mentioned in my last post, Miss Emily invited Jack over to watch the hockey game. I had little doubt he would spend the night. I'm still not used to being a cuckold. I wonder if I ever will be.

I can't deny how happy she is when they have sex. And I can't deny the mix of emotions her having sex with Jack causes me to feel. This time there was something new. He acted liked he belonged here. He's just so comfortable being with her just watching TV and talking.

All the while I know my places is as a maid. Maybe I should be used to all that by now. But I guess I'm not. Despite wondering if I really am destined to be a maid I can't help obeying Miss Emily and Jack.

I felt like I was in a daze as I brought them drinks and snacks. I felt like my mind was trying not to notice how close they were sitting and how often he kissed her. Then when there was a break in the game I was summoned to kneel before them.

I can't quite understand what was happening. Jack was giving the orders. That had happened a few times before. But I looked over at Miss Emily. She was so intense as she watched. I knew whatever was going to happen was important to her.

I was conflicted. I became very nervous and wanted to crawl in a hold. Hide. But I didn't want to disappoint her. I'll never understand how I can feel those things at the same time.

My task was simple. Strip him so he could, as put it, "satisfy your mistress sin ways you never could."

That made me feel so small. Mistress isn't a word Miss Emily ever used but I guess it fits. And I know what he said is true, but t still hurts for some reason.

I undressed him, starting with his shoes as I was told in earlier times he was here. I didn't forget to kiss each shoe before removing it. I was blushing the whole time. When I removed his pants I could see the outline of his hard cock against his boxers.

When I pulled them down the tip slapped my cheek. Miss Emily helped him take his shirt off. I sucked his cock to get him ready for her, planting a kiss on the tip first as she had taught me with her strapon.

I felt like I was a robot. But was excited. I felt a hand on my head and then a whisper in my ear. It was Miss Emily telling me I was being a good sissy.

I was pushed aside and Jack sat on the couch with Miss Emily mounting him. I watched as they fucked. It was hard and it was fast. She was cumming quickly. She must have been so ready for him.

Sone he was cumming. She sat there kissing him hard on the mouth. She was still wearing a T-shirt and nothing else.

As seems to be "normal" now I cleaned them both. She was so wet with his cum and her own juices. His cock was slick. I love the way it feels in my mouth. So hard and so soft at the same time. There's something I never expected to think about.

She slipped her panties on and he dressed with my help. She put her head on his shoulder as they watched the rest of the game.

They had sex twice more. Once before they slept and once this morning.

I admit to being confused now. Is he replacing me? She says she loves and adores me. But I have never seen her look like she does when he is fucking her hard.

Today they went to play tennis. I changed the sheets and cleaned her bathroom.

Something seems different but what it means I really don't know.

That seems to be the way things are for me in Miss Emily's world.

<curtsy>

At Her Feet

For one night there was no hockey. I was glad of that, but Miss Emily tells me there's a game tonight. I know here her attention will be.

But at least night she was in a good mood and allowed me to curl up on the floor while she watched TV after dinner. Don't even ask me what she was watching because I was too content being near her to care.

Not only was I at her feet, Miss Emily allowed me to worship them. I love the feel of her skin against my lips. Her feet are so beautiful. Isn't it strange that I feel lucky to be allowed to even touch them?

After I kissed and rubbed her feet she had me paint her nails. She chose a royal purple color, one of her favorites. I always take my time to make sure each nail looks perfect.

I was so excited I couldn't help hoping I would be allowed to cum. But I knew it wouldn't happen. Of course that didn't mean she wouldn't find satisfaction. Miss Emily masturbated when I had finished her nails.

I really wanted to taste her but she was content to have me watch her. It's so exciting and frustrating when she does that. But I am sure she knows that.

<curtsy>

Serving Others

Last night Miss Emily was home and that meant I was back to being a maid. This time, we weren't alone. She invited her sister over for dinner and to watch the hockey game. Her sister is every bit the dominant that Miss Emily is. She finds it amusing to out me on the spot.

Last night was no exception. Miss Emily had ordered me to dress in my French maid's uniform. That isn't unusual when company is over. When I answered the door i curtsied as I have been taught. I have spent hours practicing the correct way to show respect. But my curtsy wasn't good enough for Miss Amanda.

"is it the best you can do?" were her first words to me. She made me do it over ten times until she said "I suppose that will have to do." I can't explain how humiliating this was and how near to tears to I was. I was sure Miss Emily would be disappointed in me. But Miss Amanda didn't say anything, at least that I heard.

I served them dinner. I had prepared steak, asparagus and baked potatoes (which must be cooked in the oven not the microwave). Other than pouring wine and clearing dishes I was ignored as they talked the way sisters who are close do.

As always, my dinner, a salad and small slice of steak, waited until after they had finished. While they watched the game they continued to drink wine. Miss Amanda enjoys making me uncomfortable. At one point, she asked me how I felt about being a cuckold.

That was the first I knew that Miss Emily had shared that with her. I was kind of in shock I think. I couldn't think what to say. I looked to Miss Emily hoping she'd rescue me from having to answer. All I saw was the look she can give me that I know means I'd better obey.

I told her I was happy for Miss Emily and her desires were all that mattered. Miss Amanda said "You are fucking sissy." They both laughed.

I wanted to crawl in a hole. Yet I could fell a wet spot on my panties. I felt so pathetic.

The rest of the night they watched the game and I filled their wine glasses. Miss Amanda was a little drunk and Miss Emily insisted she stay in the guest room.

This morning I washed her clothes before she awoke and served her breakfast before she left for work. Miss Emily had left earlier.

I'll never understand why being treated like a servant excites me, but it does. sigh.

<curtsy>

A Servant Again

Miss Emily is finally back home after a business trip and much excitement about hockey. I'll never understand why people get so excited about sports. But she loves watching. So sometimes I watch, too. This was different though. This time she went to the games, In Los Angeles and New York, while I was home.

Last night I put on my French maid's uniform and put my hair up. I wanted to impress her. So what happened? She barely gave me a thought. Oh, I could see a look in her eyes of amusement when she first walked through the door. But for the evening I was her servant. She was cool and distant. Inside I was so excited she was home.

For some reason the more she treats me like a maid the more I need to please her. I guess she knows that. I'll never quite understand the relationship we have or why we both seem to crave it. Well, I know I crave her attention.

I am not quite sure what she craves, except for my submission. She has that. But no matter how hard I try to please her I fell like it's never enough. I wish I could be content more of the time.

<curtsy>

Almost Back to Normal

Miss Emily did make it home last night. It was late when she got home, about midnight. I wanted to surprise her by putting on my French maid uniform with the petticoats but I feel asleep. I didn't even hear her come in the door.

She thought it was cute that I wanted to dress that way for her. I was so thrilled to that she was home. She was so nice to me. I ended up sleeping on the floor next to her bed. I have no idea why that mad me feel so good and wanted. But it did.

Today she is back to work and I am doing all the laundry she brought home. Tonight will be another without her. She's going to the hockey game and then staying at her college roommate's apartment.

Then, I hope, things will really be back to normal.

<curtsy>

Commitment and Consequences

I was thinking about my post from yesterday and I realized that my second thoughts about being a sissy wife/servant brought a change to my relationship with Miss Emily.

I don';t think I even realized it for a long time, but after she called and forgave me her power over me was much greater. She exerted her control in new ways. I guess she knew I wouldn't dare disobey her.

Until that time I only wore panties when I was at her home. The day after I came back she gave me a gift. It was ten pairs of panties. She told me she wanted me to wear them at all times. I admit I swallowed hard. Maybe I should have know it would happen one day, but it seemed like such a big step.

As instructed I tossed all my male underwear in the garbage when I went home that night. I didn't have second thoughts. I was starting to really trust her. Or maybe I was afraid she'd leave me. I often wonder why she'd want me at all.

Looking back I can see that Miss Emily really took charge from that day. I wasn't expecting to wear a maid's uniform or live the life I am leading now. But since the wedding there's been no turning back.

I just have to keep trusting that she knows best.

<curtsy>

Committing to the Sissy Life

It might sounds strange but there was a time when I wasn't so sure I could be a sissy wife and maid. I had dreamed of being a man with a job and a wife and kids.  And even after Miss Emily started me on this path I was reluctant.

I even had second thoughts about spending my life as a servant after Miss Emily prosed to me. Of course I said yes when she asked me. I was in total shock. I had never thought she would want me. The proposal was romantic. She took me to dinner at a fancy restaurant. The kind of place I never went before I met her.

After dessert she asked me if I would be her sissy wife and maid. She gave me a box that contained a diamond anklet. I couldn't even think. I said yes. I spent that night in her bed pleasing her with my tongue. She even used her hand to stroke me to an orgasm.

But over the next couple of weeks I began to doubt that I wanted to be a sissy.She'd later said I was silly and in denial. I guess looking back it's true. I was wearing and the panties she had bought for me when I told her my doubts.

She was calm. She told me she wanted me to go home and think hard about it. Her calmness scared me even more I think. She told me not to contact her. She would call me.

Maybe I hadn't thought it through at all. After a week I knew I had made a mistake. Then I was sure she would never call me. I cried a lot and beat myself up. I endured another week before she called.

I wanted to be cool about it but instead I was begging her to forgive me. Her voice was light when she told me to get over to her home.

I did, wearing pink boy shorts, the anklet. I wore khakis and a white shirt. She never liked me in jeans. I wanted to please her so much at that moment.

I was barely in the door when I found myself on my knees begging her to take me back.

She did, obviously.

She told me all I needed to do was has trust that she new what was best for me. That's not always easy even though I know she's right. She always is.

<curtsy>

Life as a Servant

Sometimes I can't believe how my life has changed since i met Miss Emily. I had never imagined living as a servant, let alone a maid.

This weekend was typical. Except I had a lot of laundry to do. More than usual because the washer broke last week and it took a few days to get a new one delivered.

And then yesterday was Miss Emily's birthday. I am not allowed to but her presents but I did get her a dozen yellow roses, her favorite flowers. I spent a lot of time with my tongue buried in her pussy. Her favorite position is sitting on my face. It makes me feel like there is nothing else in the world but her dripping pussy.

The rest of the day included lunch with her family and then back home where Miss Emily relaxed and allowed me to sit at her feet while she watched baseball. Sports bore me but I always feel good when I am around her.

I guess that's what the life of a sissy maid/wife is about. Maybe someday I'll understand why I can't help wanting to please her.

<curtsy>

Miss Emily's Second Date

I mentioned in my last post that Miss Emily had gone on another date with her lover, Jack, who I must now always address as Sir. There had been a lot going on the last month and I had been able to put Miss Emily's first night with him far from my mind.

When she told me she needed a night with him my heart sank. To be honest, he scares me and I remembered how jealous I was the last time. There wasn't much point i  telling Miss Emily how I felt. She does as she pleases.

So I found myself late on Saturday afternoon drawing her bubble bath. Seeing her naked always takes my breath away. My little clit stirred in its cage. I haven't been allowed to cum since our California trip. Drying her after her bath was thrilling and difficult. I couldn't help planting a kiss on her slit. It was moist and smelled musky. I heard her chuckle as she patted my head. I felt so small.

Helping her dress and watching her do her makeup made me feel jealous again. When she was almost done I was told to put on my French maid's uniform. That's how I answered the door. I felt so embarrassed. I took his coat, offered him a drink and went to get Miss Emily.

I was almost in tears. Miss Emily told me to pull myself together. She said there was no reason to be jealous. I guess she's right. But I couldn't help it.

Watching him kiss her was humiliating.

And then they left. He has his arm around her waist. I was ordered to stay in uniform and be ready to serve when they returned.

The next two hours passed slowly.

I have housework to do so I'll have to continue this later.

A New Routine

Here it is Monday and I am back home doing laundry and cleaning. I guess that's the new routine. I still have to go back to Miss Emily's mother's home for a a few more days. I'm not sure for how long.

I have been kept the last week in a jumper with knee sock and maryjanes how. It's been humiliating and boring at times. But it's not up to me. Maybe I will be back home living the life of a amid/wife soon. I hope so.

<curtsy>

Home for a Day

I am back home for one day to do Miss Emily's laundry. Then it will be back to her mother's home and life as a child.

It's been tiring playing with dolls, learning little girl games and being given juice boxes. Her mother enjoys washing my mouth out with soap and seeing me cry.

It seems to me I have been there for weeks but it's only been a few days.

It makes me wonder if Miss Emily really needs me.

<curtsy>

Miss Emily's Date Starts

Waiting all day was horrible but seeing Miss Emily with her date was even worse. Now they are gone and I am left waiting again.

Miss Emily ordered me to post about the day.

I was back in uniform doing laundry, changing her bed. That made me think about what was going to happen. I had changed the linens yesterday.

Miss Emily rested and after she got up she had me help her get ready for her date. I ran her bath, dried her off and painted her toes while she did her makeup. She doesn't wear much. She doesn't need to. She is so lovely.

Then I helped her dress. She wore black lace panties, garter belt and black stockings with a half bra that pushed her breasts up. A strapless black dress was over it. When she stepped into her panties I couldn't help but kiss her pussy. I was lucky she was not angry.

When she stepped into her three-inch pumps she looked like a goddess. Even more than usual. She added diamond studs and a diamond necklace. I was in awe.

Then she had me change into a black French maid's uniform with petticoats.I always wear a coset that has stays in int and ruffled panties with that uniform. Miss Emily laced the corset. It makes breathing difficult but she likes the way it gives me a figure.

Then the doorbell rang. I was told to answer it. I thought I was going to be sick. I was reminded again to treat her date with the same respect I treat her and to call him "sir."

I could barely make it to the door. I felt wobbly and I was shaking. I could barely breathe. I opened the door and stammered out "welcome, sir. please come in." He was just as tall as I remembered. I couldn't help feeling silly wearing a maid's uniform in front of him.

I couldn't look in his face but I heard him laugh when I curtsied. He walked in and I took his coat and hung it up. I told him Miss Emily would be a minute and showed him to the den and offered him a drink.

H e wanted wine. After I brought it to him he asked me to turn around. I was so embarrassed. I felt so weak. I felt worse when Miss Emily entered the room. Her date, Jack, stood up and they embraced. he kissed her on the lips. It made me wonder if they had done that before.

I got Miss Emily a glass of wine and they sat together on the couch. I thought about how I was sitting there last night.

They ignored me as they chatted. I noticed his hand on top of hers. I felt jealous and humiliated.

I heard him say he was impressed at how she had trained me and it was obvious I was better off as a maid.

She just laughed. I thought my cheeks were burning with shame.

Their glasses were almost empty and I offered them more wine. They both declined. He said they had a dinner reservation and had to leave. When I curtsied he laughed.

I got their coats and helped them put them on. Miss Emily told me to be a good girl and post about this. She said to stay in uniform until they returned. She kissed me on the cheek. I could feel myself blushing.

When they left I felt empty. I just started sobbing. I felt so alone. After I stopped crying I redid my makeup and washed and put away the wine glasses.

Now I am just waiting and trying not to think about what Miss Emily has planned for later.

<curtsy>

Working Day

I often have no clue why Miss Emily gives me the orders she does. I spend most of my weekdays cleaning the house. She always expects things to be done perfectly.

This morning she told me she wanted the whole house scrubbed and dusted today. I'm not sure if she is disappointed in my work this week. She usually would let me know if she was. I spent the morning vacuuming, dusting and cleaning bathrooms. I only have the kitchen left.

It's a lot of work especially after a short night's sleep.

<curtsy>

Who Are You?

I'm just curious about who is reading about my journey to becoming a sissy maid/wife. I have posted a poll at the top of my page on the right side to try to find out.

Please let me know what brought you here. If you'd like, you can leave a comment.

<curtsy>

A Sissy Routine

I thought some of you might be interested in how I spend my days. As Miss Emily's wife and maid I naturally take care of all the housework, much of the cooking and making sure the groceries are bought and house is in good order.

Miss Emily is strict and demanding about my chores. She expects everything to be completed on time and to perfection. Mistakes usually cause me to have to do a chore over. Sometimes I am spanked or paddled. I have even had to write sentences in a notebook like "a sissy maid must complete her chores on time."

I don't mind doing housework. I did it growing up. But until I became Miss Emily's wife I never was much of an early riser. Now my day starts at 5:30. I must be bathed and dressed in my uniform by 6 so I can have her breakfast ready by 6:30. My uniform is one meant for work and I have them in different colors, black, pink and yellow. I always wear a waist cincher, bra, panties and stockings along with tow-inch heels.

This is my favorite part of the day. I serve her in her bedroom. Most days she is awake when I knock on her door. After she eats I get to help her dress. I get to see her naked and feel the warmth of her skin. It's an intimate moment for me. It makes me feel needed.

Once she is dressed and off to work, I begin my chores. On different days I concentrate on different tasks. Monday and Fridays I always wash her bed linens. I clean her bathroom everyday and put out fresh towels.

I have her dinner ready so she can eat at 7. I eat in the kitchen when she is finished.

The only day during the week that's different is Thursday. Every week I clean the home of Miss Emily's best friend. It's not too hard, but Miss Amy leaves a week's worth of laundry so it takes all day.

Weekends are more relaxed and often I am more a wife than maid. I am even allowed at times to sit at the dinner table with her. On Sunday I am punished for any mistakes I made during the week, although I can be spanked at any time she sees fit.

I'd love to hear from other sissies and Dommes/Doms about their lives.