So Close

Only a few more hours till I go on my first date with a man. There's a lot to do before including an appointment at the salon at 2. I never quite know what Miss Emily has set up for me there but I am sure I will get a new hairstyle and maybe some pampering.

I remember the first trip to to the salon. I was so nervous. The women there were nice and I guess a couple of them have become friends. One of them Alex, whose only a little older than me, says we have so much in common. That still surprises me.

But as I sit here with bra filled out and thinking about going on a date it's harder to deny.

Maybe I will be able to put this out of my mind while I do the laundry and then get ready for tonight. I sure hope so.

<curtsy>

About Those Heels

A couple of readers commented about my new shoes. I know a lot of sissies and their owners have a fetish about high heels. They don't do much for in that regard and that doesn't seem to be something Miss Emily cares much about either.

It seems to me that she is training me to be her wife and maid and hasn't adopted many of the things common on the internet regarding the dressing of a sissy, except of course the maid's uniforms. lol.

I might be totally wrong. Maybe someday I will be wearing five inch heels. But it doesn't seem that way.

Not that what I think will matter much. What she wants is all that matters.

<curtsy>

One More Day

Friday is the big day. My first date with a man. I am trying hard not to think about it all the time but it's not easy. Other than more practice in the three-inch heels, Miss Emily didn't mention it last night. She didn't have to.

I woke up several times and all that I could think about was what might happen. I thought about the first time I had a date with Miss Emily. My feelings were similar except of course I had always dreamed of dating a woman as beautiful as she is.

But there's not changing her plans. I will be on a date tomorrow. I hope I'm not to shy to even speak. I can get that way and it might disappoint Miss Emily.

I almost wish today was over so I could stop wondering.

<curtsy>

New Shoes

The new shoes I got for my date have a three inch heel. That's higher than I have worn before. The first time put them on I thought I was going to fall over. And when I did stand straight I felt so tall. It was very strange.

Walking in them was difficult. So Miss Emily had me practice last night. Small steps. Roll my hips. Over and over. I was so sore after just a short time of practicing.But she kept me walking for two hours. I was never so ready for bed.

I am still sore but wearing my usual shoes today. I am getting nervous thinking about Friday night. Will he want to kiss me? Will I like it? I've never kissed a man.

I was chatting with a friend earlier and she said she thought I was going to find out what it's like. I think she's correct.

My stomach churns at the the thought.

<curtsy>

Shopping for the Date, Breasts Included

I still can't believe I am going on a date this friday. With. A. Man.

I have so many conflicting emotions and thoughts. Fear. Excitement. Nervousness. Will he like me? Will he think I'm pretty? Why do I care. I mean, I've never meant him. I don't really know much about him.

I know he's older, in his 40s. Miss Emily only told me he's the kind of man lots of women would want to date. She says I should be proud he wants to take me out. Proud? I don't know. My head swims when I think about it.

Of course, Miss Emily wants to make sure she has me looking the way she wants for the big night on Friday. That involved shopping. Lots of shopping.

Last week, I spent trying on dresses, buying new shoes and a purse to go with the lacy pink dress she chose and even new lingerie. I wasn't surprised a new corset was chosen. I am usually in one. This one is stiffer despite how girly it is. It's all pink and white with lace trim and even little roses at the top of each garter strap.

The biggest surprise is that Miss Emily had realistic breasts glued to my chest. They aren't very big but I am constantly aware of their weight. They meant I had to get new bras to fit my new figure. I wonder why a man would want a sissy with fake breasts? Did I really think that?

Friday afternoon I have an appointment at the salon. I go regularly but this seems different. It almost feels like the first time I went to the salon. I wonder how my hair will be done and my makeup.

Part of me wishes it was Friday night already and part of hopes it never comes.

But I know it will.

<curtsy>

Catching Up

It's been a couple weeks since I posed and a lot has happened. It's hard to know where to start. I think I'll just do a post now about things and then maybe others if I think of what I want to say.

First, I had a wonderful week away with Miss Emily to a vacation home her family owns. Her sister was there for a couple of the days, but otherwise I was just her wife. We went hiking. Keeping up with her tough. But she said I looked "cute" in the L.L. Bean outfits she bought me.

I spent a lot of time kneeling between her thighs and she used her strap-on every day. I was so sore. But content too. I was even allowed to cum twice. I doubt that will happen soon.

The big bombshell was that Miss Emily told me she wants me to go on a date with her man's friend. To say this scare same is an understatement. She says every girl needs to experience it.

When Miss Emily makes up her mind she moves quickly. The date will be this coming Friday night. I am thankful that she and Jack will be along. My stomach is churning thinking about it.

Miss Emily tool me shopping last week for a dress to wear. I'll write more about that lately.

After serving at a party on Saturday things are back to normal this week as a think about going on a date. With a man. Yikes!

<curtsy>

Girly Stuff

It struck me today when I was talking to Misty that I have lot of girly stuff in my head. More than I realized.

Why I'm surprised I am not really sure. Obviously Mss Emily has been training me to be her maid and wife. There's nothing many about that. But I didn't know I could discuss bubble baths and hair products with hardly a thought.

I know that Miss Emily has been having the girl who does my hair talk to me about things like that, as well as makeup. I never knew I had a spring skin tone. I just thought I was pale.

Other girly things came about through practice, like walking, sitting properly and even how to hold my arms.

And then there's my room. Miss Emily had it redone but I didn't see it until after we got married. It was kind of a shock. Maybe that was the point. It's all pink and white with lace curtains and bedspread. That was quite a change. But now it is my own space. Well, kind of. Miss Emily can come in anytime she wants.

She is the only one who is allowed real privacy.

<curtsy>

Packing Up

I am pretty excited today. Tomorrow Miss Emily is taking me away for a week to a vacation home in the woods. There'll be no computers to distract her. I won't have her all to myself since her sister will be there for part of the week, but I think it will be fun.

I've never dome much hiking or things like that but now I have a wardrobe for it. Miss Emily bought me shorts and tops and hiking boots and even socks and a red plaid wool jacket (I'm always cold lol). It was all a surprise when it arrived from UPS yesterday. It was fun trying it all on. I'm not sure I'll be able to keep up with her but I'll try.

I was even told not to pack any maids uniforms. And that will be a nice change.

She has been so cool this week. I wonder if her mood will change once we are away. I never know what to expect.

<curtsy>

Alone But Not Alone

I don't know if this will make any sense to anyone but sometimes I feel all alone even when I am around people. The last couple of days I have felt like I am missing Miss Emily even though she is not away.

But as I wrote yesterday she has been cool toward. I doubt I'll ever feel totally comfortable when she is in that mood. It sets me on edge and makes me wonder what I have done to displease her.

Last night she came home, ate her dinner quickly and went to her home office to do some work. I wasn't even summoned to help her change from her work clothes. All I could do was hanger her clothes after she went to work.

I felt unwanted. I know in my mind she wants me and needs me, but I can't help feeling alone. It's a helpless feeling. The strangest part is I am she knows how I feel and she knows I know that fact.

I guess that's all part of being her sissy maid and wife. It's part of that paradox I wrote about yesterday.

Maybe tonight will be different.

<curtsy>

A Paradox

I find it interesting that the cooler she is toward me the more I need Miss Emily's approval. No matter how she gives me I always seem to need and crave more.

This week is a good example. After getting a lot of her attention and even a dozen roses she has turned very cool to me. I am a servant and this all. Somehow this makes me ache for her to notice me.

I know that things will change and I will be a wife or a slut or a cuckold or whatever else she commands and then she will desire something else.

In the meantime I am a maid serving the woman she adores.

Life is very strange I think.

<curtsy>

How Does She Do That?

Yesterday was a quieter day after the weekend. I did receive a nice surprise late in the afternoon when a dozen pink and yellow roses were delivered. They were from Miss Emily, with a lovely note. I was blushing and grinning.

But I also was exhausted from the weekend. Miss Emily was getting home late so I went to bed early. I slept almost 10 hours. In fact, I almost overslept. I can imagine how annoyed she would have been if that had happened.

Maybe it didn't matter. This morning she was back to being very cool toward me. I was a servant, not so much a wife. I was still floating along and somehow she was able to flip some switch and be that way.

I often wonder how she does that. My only mode seems to be to please her, or at least try. I never am quite sure how she will treat me. I think it keeps me off balance.

This morning she noticed a drop of coffee on the kitchen counter. She was not pleased as she called the kitchen "filthy." She doesn't angry or yell. But the tone of her voice lets me know I have displeased her. I don't think there's any worse feeling.

So I scrubbed the kitchen, even cleaning the refrigerator and the stove. I hope she notices but I somehow doubt she will. While it always feels better when she does notice, I know it doesn't really matter.

<curtsy>

Treated Like a Wife

Jack left after I served breakfast to him and Miss Emily on Sunday morning. I was in a daze. I was tired and I really didn't have many thoughts in my head. Once in a while I'd remember how his cock felt in my mouth when he came.

Since it was Father's Day we went to Miss Emily's parents house for dinner. It was a relaxing day and I was dressed in pink short shorts and a white tank top with pink trim. It was nice to be a wife more than a maid, although I did help with serving dinner and doing the dishes.

When we got home I received a treat when Mss Emily said she wanted me to stay up while she did some work in her home office. She finished up and called me to come to the den. She wanted to watch basketball (I'll never get the sports thing lol!). She had me on the couch next to her.

Usually I would be at her feet and if I'm luck I'd be allowed to worship them. This time she had her arm around me. I was so tired form the long weekend that soon I had my head in her lap as she cradled it.

I could feel her fingers in my hair. It was so peaceful and I felt so peaceful. I guess she got bored with the game because she turned the TV off and led me to her bedroom. She kissed me hard and I felt week. I could feel the strength in her.

I knew was going to get her strap-on and that she would use me. I was excited. It was like my sleepiness was gone.

She did fuck me and hard. She had me begging for more. She doesn't ask me to beg for that it just seems to happen. I was still locked in my chastity device but i could feel the dripping.

Finally she was finished. She allowed me to sleep with her in her bed. And when I awoke she had left for work. That is rare.

Somehow she knew exactly what I needed.

How does she do that?

<curtsy>

Nagging Questions?

One of my readers offered his (or is it hers? hard to day since the comment was anonymous) thoughts about my relationship with Miss Emily.

I admit I was shocked. Maybe I have not been clear enough about I fell about her. I adore her.  love her. She is the best thing that ever happened to me. Serving her needs comes naturally.

Despite that I do question myself. I always have. I don't know if that will ever change. Add to that the fact that I am coming to terms with the fact that I am better off as a wife and servant and I just can't help feeling what I am doing is against the way I was brought up.

For most of my life I imagined having a wife and a job and a family. But from the first time I met Miss Emily I wanted something else. She understood me better than I understood myself. It was so easy to be with her and to let her lead.

We have talked many times about our relationship. My place is clear as is hers. I tell her when I am upset or concerned or confused. I know she loves me by the way she cares for my feelings. That doesn't mean she does what I want her to do but she is aware of my safety and emotional well-being.

Having read about female-led relationships on the internet, I know what I have found is rare and beautiful. But I also know that is a long process for a sissy like me to accept the truth about herself.

I adore Miss Emily for showing me the way.

<curtsy>

Cuckolding and Jealousy

Maybe I'll never really get used to the idea of Miss Emily dating Jack. I can't deny that seeing her with him gets me excited. I know deep down I could never satisfy her the way he does. His cock is so much bigger,

The look on her face when he fucks her is something I'd never seen before. That made me jealous. But now something else has me feeling that way.

Tonight Jack is coming over to watch hockey. I don't know why but the idea of just watching TV with her makes me feel blue. I guess I am not even adequate for that. Of course, I know he'll probably do more than watch sports with her.

It's hard to express exactly what I feel about all this. I think years of keeping everything inside have made me reluctant to share those kinds of things.

And then there's the fact that since I found out about tonight's guest I haven't been able to stop thinking about his cock. It's so big and thick.

Am I so easy to manipulate that she has me thinking like a slut? I guess I am.

<curtsy.

Serving Others

Last night Miss Emily was home and that meant I was back to being a maid. This time, we weren't alone. She invited her sister over for dinner and to watch the hockey game. Her sister is every bit the dominant that Miss Emily is. She finds it amusing to out me on the spot.

Last night was no exception. Miss Emily had ordered me to dress in my French maid's uniform. That isn't unusual when company is over. When I answered the door i curtsied as I have been taught. I have spent hours practicing the correct way to show respect. But my curtsy wasn't good enough for Miss Amanda.

"is it the best you can do?" were her first words to me. She made me do it over ten times until she said "I suppose that will have to do." I can't explain how humiliating this was and how near to tears to I was. I was sure Miss Emily would be disappointed in me. But Miss Amanda didn't say anything, at least that I heard.

I served them dinner. I had prepared steak, asparagus and baked potatoes (which must be cooked in the oven not the microwave). Other than pouring wine and clearing dishes I was ignored as they talked the way sisters who are close do.

As always, my dinner, a salad and small slice of steak, waited until after they had finished. While they watched the game they continued to drink wine. Miss Amanda enjoys making me uncomfortable. At one point, she asked me how I felt about being a cuckold.

That was the first I knew that Miss Emily had shared that with her. I was kind of in shock I think. I couldn't think what to say. I looked to Miss Emily hoping she'd rescue me from having to answer. All I saw was the look she can give me that I know means I'd better obey.

I told her I was happy for Miss Emily and her desires were all that mattered. Miss Amanda said "You are fucking sissy." They both laughed.

I wanted to crawl in a hole. Yet I could fell a wet spot on my panties. I felt so pathetic.

The rest of the night they watched the game and I filled their wine glasses. Miss Amanda was a little drunk and Miss Emily insisted she stay in the guest room.

This morning I washed her clothes before she awoke and served her breakfast before she left for work. Miss Emily had left earlier.

I'll never understand why being treated like a servant excites me, but it does. sigh.

<curtsy>

A Servant Again

Miss Emily is finally back home after a business trip and much excitement about hockey. I'll never understand why people get so excited about sports. But she loves watching. So sometimes I watch, too. This was different though. This time she went to the games, In Los Angeles and New York, while I was home.

Last night I put on my French maid's uniform and put my hair up. I wanted to impress her. So what happened? She barely gave me a thought. Oh, I could see a look in her eyes of amusement when she first walked through the door. But for the evening I was her servant. She was cool and distant. Inside I was so excited she was home.

For some reason the more she treats me like a maid the more I need to please her. I guess she knows that. I'll never quite understand the relationship we have or why we both seem to crave it. Well, I know I crave her attention.

I am not quite sure what she craves, except for my submission. She has that. But no matter how hard I try to please her I fell like it's never enough. I wish I could be content more of the time.

<curtsy>

Not Always Easy

Getting used to all the changes that have occurred since I met Miss Emily is not always easy. Sometimes I can't believe that I have not fought them

I think the most difficult thing is the way people look at me in public. I think I expected people to stare and look at me like I was strange. But I never expected men to flirt with me. Not all men. It's only happened openly a couple times. I doubt I've ever blushed more.

The most recent time it happened was in the grocery store. An older man who was maybe in his 50s or 60s saw me reaching for an item on the top shelf. He came over and got it for me. That would have been sweet, but he had his arm around me and called me "sweetheart." I was embarrassed.

I only blushed harder when he asked if he could take me to lunch sometime. He told me how much he enjoyed being with "special girls." I could barely speak but stammered out that I was married.

I don't know what to think about the encounter. I know it was a compliment but I never thought of being with men really.

Miss Emily said I should get used to such attention.

<curtsy>

Almost Back to Normal

Miss Emily did make it home last night. It was late when she got home, about midnight. I wanted to surprise her by putting on my French maid uniform with the petticoats but I feel asleep. I didn't even hear her come in the door.

She thought it was cute that I wanted to dress that way for her. I was so thrilled to that she was home. She was so nice to me. I ended up sleeping on the floor next to her bed. I have no idea why that mad me feel so good and wanted. But it did.

Today she is back to work and I am doing all the laundry she brought home. Tonight will be another without her. She's going to the hockey game and then staying at her college roommate's apartment.

Then, I hope, things will really be back to normal.

<curtsy>

She's Coming Home!

After being gone most of the week, Miss Emily s coming home tonight. I am trying not to be too excited. She's coming home late and working tomorrow. And I'm trying not to even think about the fact that she's going to a hockey game tomorrow night.

I can't wait to see her. Things aren't the same here when she's away.

<curtsy>

On My Own, Sort of

Miss Emily is way on business this week. She won't be back until late Sunday. Usually when she's away she makes sure others are watching me. Her friend Amy or her mom or sisters. This time I am on my own.

I did have my hair done yesterday. It's no longer permed and the color is a lighter blonde now. It's strange being alone. I can stay up later and there's less housework to do. Certainly the laundry is done. And that's a relief after the washing machine broke. Besides the flood I had to clean up the dirty clothes piled up until a new one was delivered.

So here I am on my own. Except Miss Emily is always with me. If I am ever tempted to break some rule or another I can feel her disapproval. For some reason that comforts me. Isn't that strange.

<curtsy>